Divine

Attention all you English Majors. I have a confession to make. 

I am an outsider. I don't belong here. I'm a Social Sciences Education major! 
(Dun. Dun. Dun)

Yes, my friends, it's true. I feel a little bit like a different breed around this class/blog. While I love literature dearly, I definitely have reservations regarding my capability to intelligently analyze it. And we are starting our analyzing quest with poetry! The most intimidating one, in my (and my mom's. I just talked to her about this post) opinion. But, I am going to move ahead with all the confidence that I can muster. 

Oh and by the way, I plan on memorizing one of the poems from the list that Dr. Burton gave us. I'm going to share it with my stellar Journalism major roomate, Camilla. She'll appreciate it and won't openly mock me if I massacre it. 

So a poem that has had significance to me personally? After racking my brain all day for one, I had a stroke of inspiration.

 A hymn! I bet there is a hymn out there that had it's roots in a poem that means something to me. I knew what hymn I hoped started as a poem and one lucky Google search later yielded this:

"the Pillar of Cloud" by John Henry Newman 1833

Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom,

Lead Thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home,

Lead Thou me on!

Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou

Shouldst lead me on;

I loved to choose and see my path; but now

Lead Thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,

Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still

Will lead me on.

O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till

The night is gone,

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

When I began my time as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I felt completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I had ahead of me. I was trying to process a whole year and a half away from my friends and family all at once. I felt like my relationships were never going to be the same. Along with that I felt totally inadequate in my capacity to teach anyone anything about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That first night in Ohio I sat on my bed, stared at my hands for a good long time, and asked myself "what in the world have I gotten myself into?"

The next morning was my first day at the Kirtland Visitor Center (a visitor center for a historical site that has significance to members of my church). A group of us missionaries all gathered togher in the morning to start the day off with a hymn and a prayer. The hymn 
selected was called "Lead Kindly Light," and is the hymn that was originally the poem 
above. I consider this moment, sitting on the floor of a visitor center with six strangers singing this hymn, a turning moment in my life. The words of this hymn sank deep into me and I felt, for the first time, that I was going to be able to do it. I made a concious decision that day to turn my anxieties, doubts and relationships over to the Lord. I decided to hand over my mission, with divine assurance that He would figuratively take me by the hand and lead me on.